To understand Texas, especially Texas politicians, there are 10 things you should know about Texans. These 10 facts will explain a lot.

1. Many of the people who moved to what is now Texas in the  1820s and 1830s were illegal aliens from the United States who sneaked into what was then the northernmost state of Mexico. That includes some of my ancestors.

2. Texas was originally much bigger. Right after the Texas Revolution (1836) it included parts of several other future states and extended all the way up to Idaho. Texans have never forgotten!

3. For 9 years Texans had our own independent country, the Republic of Texas. One of the first things they did was expel the Indians. How mean was that?!

4. The Republic of Texas legally reserved the right to secede when it joined the United States in 1845. Our, uh, esteemed (or steamed?) governor apparently remembers that—if nothing else. He does not seem to remember how badly things turned out when we last tested that theory in 1861. (Hint: Civil War. Confederacy. ‘nough said.)

5. People like guns here—even non-Texans who just live here. I mean, people really, really like guns here. So be real careful who you get mad at you.

6. Hunting is sort of a sacrament—right after football and pickup trucks. A lot of people just plain like to kill things. They consider hunting and killing things a God-given right.

7. Right up through the Viet Nam war, Texas had contributed the most soldiers to every single U.S. war since the Texas Revolution. We might still hold that record; I just haven’t checked lately.

8. Texans love to drive—fast—and consider it a God-given right to do so, like…well, like hunting and like carrying a gun.

9. We love our state, consider it unique, and take great pride in being Texans. “Don’t mess with Texas!” Yes, that phrase was coined to stop littering, but it stuck around because it expressed something primal about us.

10. There are a lot of smart people, a lot of dumb people, a lot of mean people, and a lot of crazy people in Texas. Unfortunately some of the folks in charge fall into all four groups. Doesn’t that just explain a whole lot about certain political events in recent years? Yeah, I thought so, too.

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Dogs are a big thing in Texas, especially in the country, where everybody tends to have at least one dog as a watchdog. And often there are two or three, because some are hunting dogs.

The first dog I ever had was a solid brown medium-size mutt with a black stripe down his back. I named him Tippy.

The name came from the first puppy I picked from his litter, a light brown and white spotted puppy with a white tip on his tail. The first Tippy got run over by a car before he was old enough to leave his mother, so Daddy picked another pup, but we still called him Tippy.

Tippy must have had a wide variety of ancestors. His mother appeared to be all or mostly leopard, a breed of hunting dog with gray fur and pale blue eyes. Sort of rare. 

None of the puppies looked like her, though, and none of them looked like any other particular breed. Daddy used to say that Tippy was “leopard and Heinz” (after the food brand Heinz, which used to claim to have “57 varieties”).

Tippy was a bold little pup. He did not like the boys who put the groceries in the car at the grocery store—or much of anyone else besides our family. When he grew up, he was a great watch dog.

Meanwhile, though, when he was little, he needed training. Although I was encouraged to play with him, Daddy had a saying that I used to hear a lot. “Don’t tease ‘im, you’ll make ‘im mean.”

Funny how these things stick with you. I use that expression now for dealing with certain people and organizations that you just can’t tease, or kid around with, or argue with. 

You have to be very careful with some people and groups about what you say and do—or they can turn on you like a snake. And they may have the power to make your life miserable in some way. They may be touchy relatives, or government bureaucrats, or….you fill in the blanks. I know you know what I mean.

But now maybe when you are dealing with one of these hard-to-deal-with types, you will remember what my Daddy used to say about raising puppies. It’s good advice, and nobody else will know why you’re smiling. It’ll be just between us, OK?

So whenever you are engaged in delicate negotiations with a person or group who seem like kind of an unpredictable force of nature, remember what Daddy used to say.

“Don’t tease ‘em, you’ll make ‘em mean.” And you’ll do just fine.

Texans spend a lot of time outside. We love swimming, hunting, fishing, boating, and camping. And, of course, that great Southern sport, suntanning. (Plus a lot of us still go to work outdoors.)

Many of those activities can be very hard on a wristwatch, so we often don’t wear one. Yet there are some folks who just generally can’t relax. They are always worried about what time it is.

So if you ask a watchless, relaxing Texan for the time, you are liable to see an elaborate and ironic pantomime, in which the person you asked for the time ostentatiously lifts his left arm, stares intently at his bare wrist for a moment, and then drawls, “I’d say it’s about a freckle past a hair.”

And that’s your cue not to ask such a dumb question again, if you know what’s good for you.